Memories: Post Divorce Hauntings

Unless you have a lobotomy, you will have to contend with a boatload of memories.  Some good, some bad, most mundane or neutral.  The last group won’t haunt you, but the happy ones may.  Surprisingly, negative recollections can aid your healing journey by reminding you all was not bliss.  Positive memories allow you to see why you stayed.  It’s the same old balance of light and shadow, yin and yang, that we find in all facets of life.

If you notice you’re pining for the past resurrect a few unpleasant images. This may seem counter-intuitive, but it can bolster your resolve to get through this trial.  If anger arises, it’s OK.  You may think rage is undesirable, but it can be constructive.  Unlike depression, anger is empowering. It lights a fire under you when you need energy to act.  Don’t worry, you won’t stay furious, nor will you give in to every one of your revenge fantasies.  Your wrath is temporary, just like everything else on earth.

Nostalgia and sentimentality are other aspects of remembering, and you will feel their emotional tug from time to time.  Certain events, situations, and holidays may trigger them.  Welcome every one; but, remember: they are history.  Hanging on to some especially poignant images may feel like a sweet grief or a volcano of other emotions, it’s all fine.  Just keep making it safe to feel everything.  Your memories will fade. It’s natural for the present moment to supersede the past. You don’t have to work at it, it happens organically. At some point, you will be ready to live fully in the present, and leave what was behind you.

Sometimes, we unconsciously bring up memories as a way to feel attached to our old life and former partner.  It’s the mind’s way of easing you into a new state; especially, if the break-up was sudden or fast. This emotional bandage allows you psychic space to accommodate to new ways of being with yourself and in the world.  Assume you are healing every minute of every day, whether awake or asleep.  Knowing that enables you to embrace whatever comes.

Copyright Nicole S. Urdang

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Nicole Urdang

Nicole S. Urdang, M.S., NCC, DHM is a Holistic Psychotherapist in Buffalo, NY. She holds a New York state license in mental health counseling and a doctorate in homeopathic medicine from the British Institute of Homeopathy.