What if your body was your refuge from post-traumatic stress but it’s not cooperating the way it used to?

By Nicole Urdang | February 25, 2024
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  If someone came to me and said, “I’m despondent because my body has always been my refuge and, as I age, my body is no longer as reliable a refuge. I don’t find the same joy in walking, swimming, weightlifting, or yoga.” I would say, “Lucky you. Thankfully, your body contains your mind and […]

Two additional theories of Tension Myositis Syndrome (TMS), neuroplastic pain, and mind-body syndrome.

By Nicole Urdang | December 22, 2023
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  Almost every TMS recovery program is based on the concept that symptoms are created from repressed negative emotions. While I agree this is true in the majority of cases, I think there are other dynamics at work. In chemistry, the concept of a supersaturated solution is when there is simply too much of something […]

Why do some people hate surprises?

By Nicole Urdang | November 2, 2023
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While there are plenty of people who think surprises are fun, there are many who find them disturbing.  As someone who has enjoyed some surprises in life and shunned others, I began to wonder what makes someone enjoy them or recoil from them. If you grew up in a family where there was a lot […]

You can’t re-parent yourself but you can parent yourself.

By Nicole Urdang | November 12, 2022
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You can’t re-parent yourself, but you can parent yourself While there is much talk in therapy circles about reparenting yourself, that ship has sailed. You can’t re-parent yourself. It’s impossible to go back into your childhood and give that younger you what they truly wanted. The good news is, you can parent yourself until the […]

Antidotes for five words that create stress and ruin relationships.

By Nicole Urdang | May 6, 2022
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Many years ago, when I studied with Dr. Albert Ellis, I learned the five words that create stress, dissatisfaction, and ruined relationships. They are: NEED, MUST, SHOULDN’T, SHOULD and CAN’T. These five words are like mental handcuffs. They keep you from feeling free, creatively exploring life, and, most of all, living with self-compassion. They create […]

How self-pity can be the first step toward self-compassion. 

By Nicole Urdang | April 21, 2022
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Believe it or not, self-pity can be the first step toward self-compassion. Most of us learned that self-pity was to be avoided at all costs. It was narcissistic, self indulgent, and shameful. Clearly, anyone worth their salt  would not wallow in self-pity and, if they did, they would never admit it. Recently, I’ve been reframing the […]