Trauma

Two additional theories of Tension Myositis Syndrome (TMS), neuroplastic pain, and mind-body syndrome.

By Nicole Urdang | December 22, 2023
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  Almost every TMS recovery program is based on the concept that symptoms are created from repressed negative emotions. While I agree this is true in the majority of cases, I think there are other dynamics at work. In chemistry, the concept of a supersaturated solution is when there is simply too much of something […]

Why do some people hate surprises?

By Nicole Urdang | November 2, 2023
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While there are plenty of people who think surprises are fun, there are many who find them disturbing.  As someone who has enjoyed some surprises in life and shunned others, I began to wonder what makes someone enjoy them or recoil from them. If you grew up in a family where there was a lot […]

You can’t re-parent yourself but you can parent yourself.

By Nicole Urdang | November 12, 2022
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You can’t re-parent yourself, but you can parent yourself While there is much talk in therapy circles about reparenting yourself, that ship has sailed. You can’t re-parent yourself. It’s impossible to go back into your childhood and give that younger you what they truly wanted. The good news is, you can parent yourself until the […]

Antidotes for five words that create stress and ruin relationships.

By Nicole Urdang | May 6, 2022
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Many years ago, when I studied with Dr. Albert Ellis, I learned the five words that create stress, dissatisfaction, and ruined relationships. They are: NEED, MUST, SHOULDN’T, SHOULD and CAN’T. These five words are like mental handcuffs. They keep you from feeling free, creatively exploring life, and, most of all, living with self-compassion. They create […]

How self-pity can be the first step toward self-compassion. 

By Nicole Urdang | April 21, 2022
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Believe it or not, self-pity can be the first step toward self-compassion. Most of us learned that self-pity was to be avoided at all costs. It was narcissistic, self indulgent, and shameful. Clearly, anyone worth their salt  would not wallow in self-pity and, if they did, they would never admit it. Recently, I’ve been reframing the […]

What is compassionate curiosity and how can it help you?

By Nicole Urdang | January 19, 2022
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Compassionate curiosity is the magic combination of self-compassion and curiosity. What makes it magical is its ability to help you embrace internal and external challenges with an open heart and mind. Typically, when something difficult appears, whether it’s internal, like obsessive thoughts, a physical ailment, or an emotional state; or external, like a financial setback, […]