Self-compassion

How could you possibly think you’re not enough?

By Nicole Urdang | May 2, 2024
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How could you possibly think you’re not enough?  Do you tell yourself you’re not: Attractive enough Smart enough Fit enough Rich enough Popular enough Successful enough Respected enough Interesting enough Funny enough Positive enough Good enough to be liked, loved, appreciated, and respected? You are a flesh and blood, breathing human being. How could that […]

Worrying is not mental health insurance

By Nicole Urdang | March 16, 2024
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Just the way insurance on your home does not prevent you from floods, fires, or other catastrophes, worrying is not insurance against future emotional challenges. Yet, strange as it may sound, both anxiety and worry often come from an unconscious part of you that thinks otherwise. It believes that with enough planning, rehearsing and imagining, […]

What if your body was your refuge from post-traumatic stress but it’s not cooperating the way it used to?

By Nicole Urdang | February 25, 2024
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  If someone came to me and said, “I’m despondent because my body has always been my refuge and, as I age, my body is no longer as reliable a refuge. I don’t find the same joy in walking, swimming, weightlifting, or yoga.” I would say, “Lucky you. Thankfully, your body contains your mind and […]

Two keys to curing Tension Myositis Syndrome (TMS), mind-body syndrome, or neuroplastic pain.

By Nicole Urdang | December 31, 2023
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The first key to curing TMS, mind-body syndrome, or neuroplastic pain is to get medically evaluated and prove to yourself that there is nothing physically wrong with you.  The next key is self-compassion. While there are many other wonderful ways to heal from this psychogenic syndrome, self-compassion is the royal road to most of them. […]

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

By Nicole Urdang | July 27, 2023
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A recurring theme in therapy is the Buddha’s second arrow. It refers to the fact that whatever is difficult or painful in life is exacerbated by the negative self-judgment we inflict on it. This is a crucial concept for separating pain from suffering. As the Buddha supposedly said: Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. There […]

Surprised by joy

By Nicole Urdang | July 14, 2023
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How many times in life have you been surprised by joy? What about the time you made a new friend? Had your first ice cream cone?  Saw a sunset like no other? Unexpectedly fell in love? Surely, there have been thousands of big and little moments when you were awestruck, shocked with delight. One would […]