Effects of Abandonment on Adult Relationships: Ambivalence and Attachment Issues

By Nicole Urdang | August 11, 2014
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There must be something in the human brain that makes it enjoy playing with different, often opposite, ideas simultaneously. Ambivalence is incredibly helpful when we are brainstorming or problem-solving, less so when assessing the value of relationships. Fortunately, this natural proclivity to complicate our lives is beneficial. Unfortunately, it can also be time consuming and […]

Bullying and Passive-Aggressive Behavior: How To Deal With It

By Nicole Urdang | July 3, 2014
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Passive-aggressive behavior is a defense mechanism that allows people who aren’t comfortable being openly aggressive to get what they want under the guise of still trying to please others. They want their way, but they also want everyone to still like them. Urban Dictionary Passive-aggressive behavior is the indirect expression of hostility, such as through […]

Dealing with Disappointment

By Nicole Urdang | June 28, 2014
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If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment. Henry David Thoreau Many years ago, people expected to be disappointed with their leaders, bodies, relationships, and circumstances. Life was brutish and short. In the second half of the 20th century, when Americans were riding a post-war high, this view […]

Tame the Blame and Shame To Encourage Positive Growth & Change

By Nicole Urdang | December 3, 2013
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Whether we talk of warring nations or wounded spouses, the one thing that maintains antagonism and distance is the tendency to blame and shame. To make matters worse, continuous fault-finding often leads to holding a grudge which can turn into damning the other so vehemently the chances for reconciliation become slim. So, why do we […]

How Your Tone of Voice Affects Relationships

By Nicole Urdang | July 5, 2013
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If you can remember everyone’s behavior is a reflection of them and not you, even when the fall-out directly affects you, then their tone or attitude doesn’t have to send you into a tailspin. The benefits of shifting cognitive gears and thinking, “This has absolutely nothing to do with me,” are truly beyond belief. Instead of […]

Secrets: What we reveal can heal.

By Nicole Urdang | January 21, 2013
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“Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.” Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard’s Almanack “What you didn’t tell someone was just as debilitating as what you did.” Jodi Picoult, Handle With Care “Nothing weighs on us so heavily as a secret.” Jean de La Fontaine “If I only had three words of advice, […]