Dealing with Disappointment

By Nicole Urdang | June 28, 2014
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If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment. Henry David Thoreau Many years ago, people expected to be disappointed with their leaders, bodies, relationships, and circumstances. Life was brutish and short. In the second half of the 20th century, when Americans were riding a post-war high, this view […]

Tame the Blame and Shame To Encourage Positive Growth & Change

By Nicole Urdang | December 3, 2013
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Whether we talk of warring nations or wounded spouses, the one thing that maintains antagonism and distance is the tendency to blame and shame. To make matters worse, continuous fault-finding often leads to holding a grudge which can turn into damning the other so vehemently the chances for reconciliation become slim. So, why do we […]

How Your Tone of Voice Affects Relationships

By Nicole Urdang | July 5, 2013
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If you can remember everyone’s behavior is a reflection of them and not you, even when the fall-out directly affects you, then their tone or attitude doesn’t have to send you into a tailspin. The benefits of shifting cognitive gears and thinking, “This has absolutely nothing to do with me,” are truly beyond belief. Instead of […]

Secrets: What we reveal can heal.

By Nicole Urdang | January 21, 2013
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“Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.” Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard’s Almanack “What you didn’t tell someone was just as debilitating as what you did.” Jodi Picoult, Handle With Care “Nothing weighs on us so heavily as a secret.” Jean de La Fontaine “If I only had three words of advice, […]

Accepting People As They Are

By Nicole Urdang | June 26, 2012
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God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me. Variation of an excerpt from “The Serenity Prayer” Reinhold Neibuhr People are who they are and they will show you who they are. To be mad at them […]

Say something nice and watch the world change

By Nicole Urdang | December 23, 2011
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How many things can you think of that are free, make people feel better, and empower the giver? I can only come up with a few, and they all involve saying something nice. I’m not suggesting you lie, but if you pay attention, there is almost always something you can find to say that is […]