Relationships

How Abandonment Issues Affect Intimate Relationships

By Nicole Urdang | August 25, 2015
Posted in , ,

“Finally, I decide I am my own case history, and if I don’t dig in to understand what I am doing, I will be spending the years ahead in a vexing pattern of intimacy and abandonment.” Dominique Browning in “Slow Love” Dig in is right. Dig in and root around is even more accurate. Of […]

Ditch Your Assumptions and Create More Fulfilling Relationships

By Nicole Urdang | June 5, 2015
Posted in

“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” Isaac Asimov “If others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don’t tell us something we make assumptions to fulfill our need to know and to replace the need to communicate. […]

Effects of Abandonment on Adult Relationships: Ambivalence and Attachment Issues

By Nicole Urdang | August 11, 2014
Posted in ,

There must be something in the human brain that makes it enjoy playing with different, often opposite, ideas simultaneously. Ambivalence is incredibly helpful when we are brainstorming or problem-solving, less so when assessing the value of relationships. Fortunately, this natural proclivity to complicate our lives is beneficial. Unfortunately, it can also be time consuming and […]

Bullying and Passive-Aggressive Behavior: How To Deal With It

By Nicole Urdang | July 3, 2014
Posted in ,

Passive-aggressive behavior is a defense mechanism that allows people who aren’t comfortable being openly aggressive to get what they want under the guise of still trying to please others. They want their way, but they also want everyone to still like them. Urban Dictionary Passive-aggressive behavior is the indirect expression of hostility, such as through […]

Dealing with Disappointment

By Nicole Urdang | June 28, 2014
Posted in

If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment. Henry David Thoreau Many years ago, people expected to be disappointed with their leaders, bodies, relationships, and circumstances. Life was brutish and short. In the second half of the 20th century, when Americans were riding a post-war high, this view […]

Tame the Blame and Shame To Encourage Positive Growth & Change

By Nicole Urdang | December 3, 2013
Posted in ,

Whether we talk of warring nations or wounded spouses, the one thing that maintains antagonism and distance is the tendency to blame and shame. To make matters worse, continuous fault-finding often leads to holding a grudge which can turn into damning the other so vehemently the chances for reconciliation become slim. So, why do we […]