Relationships

Why hold a grudge? Here are some good reasons.

By Nicole Urdang | March 11, 2019
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Why hold a grudge? Holding a grudge typically involves repeatedly reminding yourself how somebody wronged you and how they deserve your continued anger, disappointment, resentment, and retribution. It’s a unique self-inflicted pain requiring incessant internal reminders of being hurt by someone’s indifference, willful behavior, or obliviousness. Who would want to reignite the emotional distress of […]

How To Make Someone’s Day Much Better In Less Than A Minute. (And, that someone could be you.)

By Nicole Urdang | December 26, 2018
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This is the easiest self-help thing you can do, even though, at first, it looks as if you’re doing it for someone else. All you have to do is say something nice. There’s only one catch: You have to mean it. Surely, in almost all your daily wanderings you can find something nice to say […]

A Quick Practice to Help You Develop Compassion for Yourself and Others

By Nicole Urdang | June 21, 2018
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Sometimes, the easiest way for us to see where we are hard on ourselves is to notice how harshly we react to other people’s behavior. Here’s a quick way to shift your perspective while developing more self-compassion. When someone behaves in a way you don’t like or understand try saying this to yourself: Just like […]

What Is Fluid Intimacy and How Can You Achieve It?

By Nicole Urdang | April 17, 2018
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What is fluid? Something that flows easily without much obstruction. Just as we want fluidity from the water in our faucets we also want it in our relationships, especially intimate ones. Intimacy implies a closeness beyond familiarity and generic caring. It’s when you know someone really well, you have shared a multitude of different experiences […]

Three tips for handling people who put you on the defensive

By Nicole Urdang | November 29, 2017
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Yesterday, I had an experience I’ve had many times in the course of my career. Someone said, “I wish you could be with me in situations when I don’t know what to say, get completely flustered, and end up down the rabbit hole of a conversation that is either difficult, contentious, or unproductive.” Spurred on […]

Dare to disappoint everyone including yourself

By Nicole Urdang | March 14, 2016
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Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor. Anne Lamott Ring the bells that still can ring Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything, That’s how the light gets in. Leonard Cohen (Inspired by Emerson’s quote: There is a crack in everything God has made.) The full title for this article is “Dare […]