Relationships

Three tips for handling people who put you on the defensive

By Nicole Urdang | November 29, 2017
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Yesterday, I had an experience I’ve had many times in the course of my career. Someone said, “I wish you could be with me in situations when I don’t know what to say, get completely flustered, and end up down the rabbit hole of a conversation that is either difficult, contentious, or unproductive.” Spurred on […]

Dare to disappoint everyone including yourself

By Nicole Urdang | March 14, 2016
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Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor. Anne Lamott Ring the bells that still can ring Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything, That’s how the light gets in. Leonard Cohen (Inspired by Emerson’s quote: There is a crack in everything God has made.) The full title for this article is “Dare […]

Compare to Despair or Cultivate Self-Acceptance

By Nicole Urdang | January 5, 2016
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Comparison is the death of joy. Mark Twain If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back. Regina Brett If you look at the symbol commonly used to show Yin and Yang you will notice each of the larger shapes has a small circle of the opposite […]

Change your words, change your relationships

By Nicole Urdang | November 17, 2015
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“There exists, for everyone, a sentence – a series of words – that has the power to destroy you. Another sentence exists, another series of words, that could heal you. If you’re lucky you will get the second, but you can be certain of getting the first.” Philip K. Dick, VALIS “Words! What power they […]

How Abandonment Issues Affect Intimate Relationships

By Nicole Urdang | August 25, 2015
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“Finally, I decide I am my own case history, and if I don’t dig in to understand what I am doing, I will be spending the years ahead in a vexing pattern of intimacy and abandonment.” Dominique Browning in “Slow Love” Dig in is right. Dig in and root around is even more accurate. Of […]

Ditch Your Assumptions and Create More Fulfilling Relationships

By Nicole Urdang | June 5, 2015
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“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” Isaac Asimov “If others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don’t tell us something we make assumptions to fulfill our need to know and to replace the need to communicate. […]