Antidotes for five words that create stress and ruin relationships.

By Nicole Urdang | May 6, 2022
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Many years ago, when I studied with Dr. Albert Ellis, I learned the five words that create stress, dissatisfaction, and ruined relationships. They are: NEED, MUST, SHOULDN’T, SHOULD and CAN’T. These five words are like mental handcuffs. They keep you from feeling free, creatively exploring life, and, most of all, living with self-compassion. They create […]

It goes without saying. No, it doesn’t.

By Nicole Urdang | February 6, 2022
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So often, people say: It goes without saying. It’s usually used when someone is saying something kind, complimentary or loving. What a crazy notion, that saying something beautiful and supportive could be unnecessary. What a shame that phrase even exists.  What could go without saying are so many of the negative things we utter or […]

Feeling resentful? Perhaps, you’re compromising too much.

By Nicole Urdang | January 24, 2022
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In a yoga-inspired course on the chakras, teacher Davidji said of the fourth, or throat, chakra: “Throughout the day when you find yourself making compromises out of fear, out of playing small, out of not believing in yourself, remind yourself that the vibration ‘hum’ is the vibration of permission. Whether you say it silently or […]

How To Have The Courage To Leave Any Relationship or Situation That Isn’t Serving You.

By Nicole Urdang | December 2, 2021
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You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em. Kenny Rogers   A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. Ralph Waldo Emerson     Historically, therapists and clergy have extolled the virtues of working through relationship difficulties. While it’s optimistic and great to think you can work through most […]

How To Have A Difficult Conversation

By Nicole Urdang | December 15, 2020
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No one enjoys the prospect of broaching a difficult topic with a relative, friend or colleague. It strikes anxiety into the most stalwart heart. But, there are times when it’s necessary if the relationship is to have a future. Here are a few tools to help structure a difficult conversation. I recommend sharing them with […]

The art of admitting fallibility.

By Nicole Urdang | July 8, 2020
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Whether we’re in the midst of a pandemic, political upheaval or merely the ups and downs of a normal day, there is something incredibly freeing about saying: I was wrong. I was mistaken. I didn’t understand. Every day, even if you’re not consciously paying attention, you are learning. Growing, learning, and being mistaken about things. […]