Why do some people hate surprises?

By Nicole Urdang | November 2, 2023
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While there are plenty of people who think surprises are fun, there are many who find them disturbing.  As someone who has enjoyed some surprises in life and shunned others, I began to wonder what makes someone enjoy them or recoil from them. If you grew up in a family where there was a lot […]

Why you continue to reach for an empty glass to quench your emotional thirst.

By Nicole Urdang | September 1, 2023
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  When it comes to relationships, it’s all too easy to keep reaching for the same empty glass to quench one’s thirst—the primal thirst for relationships that offer understanding, connection, support, and comfort. This manifests in continuing to seek, from those incapable of giving it to you, the emotional succor you crave. It’s a fool’s […]

How bad does a relationship have to be for you to leave it?

By Nicole Urdang | March 20, 2023
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Have you ever looked at your relationships and wondered how much unpleasantness you’re willing to withstand to stay in a marriage or friendship? Everyone has a different internal gauge for how much discomfort or misery they are willing to endure. This internal tipping point is based on their childhood and their own emotional constitution. While […]

Be Aware, But Don’t Always Share

By Nicole Urdang | March 4, 2023
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I have never met a therapist who didn’t think awareness was a good thing, even if in the short run it was painful.  Often, because we are connected to other people, we may become aware of something, past or present, that disturbs us. A first impulse might be to immediately share it with the other […]

How To Improve Your Relationships By Asking Good Questions.

By Nicole Urdang | July 27, 2022
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If you want to improve your relationships learn to ask good questions. Frankly, if you want to improve your life learn to ask good questions. While research shows that we get a hit of dopamine every time we talk about ourselves, there are hidden benefits to learning more about others. Not the least of which […]

What’s the difference between acceptance and letting go? 

By Nicole Urdang | May 31, 2022
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While both acceptance and letting go are verbs, there is a qualitative difference between them. Acceptance feels more like allowing or surrendering, and letting go seems to be a more active process. Depending on your history and personality, one may seem easier than the other. It’s interesting to play with your reactions to these different […]