Have you ever looked at your relationships and wondered how much unpleasantness you’re willing to withstand to stay in a marriage or friendship? Everyone has a different internal gauge for how much discomfort or misery they are willing to endure. This internal tipping point is based on their childhood and their own emotional constitution. While […]
I have never met a therapist who didn’t think awareness was a good thing, even if in the short run it was painful. Often, because we are connected to other people, we may become aware of something, past or present, that disturbs us. A first impulse might be to immediately share it with the other […]
If you want to improve your relationships learn to ask good questions. Frankly, if you want to improve your life learn to ask good questions. While research shows that we get a hit of dopamine every time we talk about ourselves, there are hidden benefits to learning more about others. Not the least of which […]
While both acceptance and letting go are verbs, there is a qualitative difference between them. Acceptance feels more like allowing or surrendering, and letting go seems to be a more active process. Depending on your history and personality, one may seem easier than the other. It’s interesting to play with your reactions to these different […]
Many years ago, when I studied with Dr. Albert Ellis, I learned the five words that create stress, dissatisfaction, and ruined relationships. They are: NEED, MUST, SHOULDN’T, SHOULD and CAN’T. These five words are like mental handcuffs. They keep you from feeling free, creatively exploring life, and, most of all, living with self-compassion. They create […]
So often, people say: It goes without saying. It’s usually used when someone is saying something kind, complimentary or loving. What a crazy notion, that saying something beautiful and supportive could be unnecessary. What a shame that phrase even exists. What could go without saying are so many of the negative things we utter or […]