Inner work

Why Do Most Therapists Care So Much About Your Childhood?

By Nicole Urdang | September 16, 2016
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“What’s past is prologue.” William Shakespeare, The Tempest The thing about the past is that it’s not the past. Irish saying People are often deterred from starting therapy because they think they will have to dredge up unpleasant things from their childhood, which can feel daunting. Yet, childhood experiences will surface, as they typically influence […]

Finding solid ground when you lose your way

By Nicole Urdang | September 27, 2015
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I got lost but look what I found. Irving Berlin When you lose your way and forget who you are, your beauty, your kindness, your connection to all that is, come back home. There is a trail of breadcrumbs leading to your true self. A self capable of curiosity, creativity, confidence, courage, unconditional self-acceptance, and […]

Mental house cleaning for a new lease on life

By Nicole Urdang | April 12, 2014
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What would happen if you never took out the garbage? Pretty soon, it would become intolerable. Yet it’s all too easy to let the inner detritus of negative thoughts and feelings accrue, building on each other until they create a malodorous mess. Actively cleansing your mind of unnecessary and unhelpful old material can give you […]

Self-Soothing

By Nicole Urdang | February 18, 2014
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Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Haruki Murakami If you grew up in a family where there was little nurturing, or unpredictable nurturing, especially during the first 18 months of life, you may have a difficult time self-soothing. Alternatively, if you were lucky enough to have had parents, or any caregiver, who was adept at […]

Tame the Blame and Shame To Encourage Positive Growth & Change

By Nicole Urdang | December 3, 2013
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Whether we talk of warring nations or wounded spouses, the one thing that maintains antagonism and distance is the tendency to blame and shame. To make matters worse, continuous fault-finding often leads to holding a grudge which can turn into damning the other so vehemently the chances for reconciliation become slim. So, why do we […]

Things I Keep From Myself

By Nicole Urdang | June 18, 2013
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“To regret one’s own experiences is to arrest one’s own development. To deny one’s own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one’s own life. It is no less than a denial of the soul.” Oscar Wilde, De Profundis “And that is how we are. By strength of will we cut off […]