Inner work

Antidotes for five words that create stress and ruin relationships.

By Nicole Urdang | May 6, 2022
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Many years ago, when I studied with Dr. Albert Ellis, I learned the five words that create stress, dissatisfaction, and ruined relationships. They are: NEED, MUST, SHOULDN’T, SHOULD and CAN’T. These five words are like mental handcuffs. They keep you from feeling free, creatively exploring life, and, most of all, living with self-compassion. They create […]

What makes it so hard to truly befriend yourself?

By Nicole Urdang | March 17, 2022
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We are born helpless and incapable of living without other people’s assistance. We depend on caretakers, usually parents, to take care of us so that we can develop into adults able to live interdependently with others. This is just a fact. And from what we know of history, it’s been true since time immemorial. As […]

What is compassionate curiosity and how can it help you?

By Nicole Urdang | January 19, 2022
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Compassionate curiosity is the magic combination of self-compassion and curiosity. What makes it magical is its ability to help you embrace internal and external challenges with an open heart and mind. Typically, when something difficult appears, whether it’s internal, like obsessive thoughts, a physical ailment, or an emotional state; or external, like a financial setback, […]

Your body is a portal to essential knowledge.

By Nicole Urdang | March 13, 2021
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Your body is your ever present home on earth and houses a wealth of information you can tap into anytime. Yet no one teaches you how to use this innate somatic knowledge. The field of psychotherapy, especially trauma therapy, is In the midst of a mini revolution as somatic awareness is now recognized as a […]

The Struggle of Perfectionism

By Nicole Urdang | March 3, 2021
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Doing things well is satisfying, but perfectionism can turn almost anything into a struggle. Every time you strive to be perfect, the best, or better than you were before, you put pressure on yourself. Not only does that pressure accrue, it robs you of joy. In addition, it’s almost impossible to be mindful and live […]

The Myth of Being Stuck in a Rut: Your Inner Work is Not Always Conscious

By Nicole Urdang | June 6, 2020
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When the unconscious knows you are ready it will speak to you. Rick Hanson You are conscious every moment of your waking life, unless you’re in a coma or anesthetized. Because you’re aware of your analytical mind, it’s easy to think any psychological changes have to be achieved by conscious work. Thankfully, that is not […]