Inner work

You can’t re-parent yourself but you can parent yourself.

By Nicole Urdang | November 12, 2022
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You can’t re-parent yourself, but you can parent yourself While there is much talk in therapy circles about reparenting yourself, that ship has sailed. You can’t re-parent yourself. It’s impossible to go back into your childhood and give that younger you what they truly wanted. The good news is, you can parent yourself until the […]

Detach from what causes you pain and attach to what brings you joy.

By Nicole Urdang | October 4, 2022
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Detaching from what causes you pain and attaching to what brings you joy sounds incredibly straightforward and almost absurd to write about, yet for most people it can be amazingly difficult. First of all, one must do a fairly fearless inventory to discern what actually brings you joy in the first place and what engenders […]

Antidotes for five words that create stress and ruin relationships.

By Nicole Urdang | May 6, 2022
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Many years ago, when I studied with Dr. Albert Ellis, I learned the five words that create stress, dissatisfaction, and ruined relationships. They are: NEED, MUST, SHOULDN’T, SHOULD and CAN’T. These five words are like mental handcuffs. They keep you from feeling free, creatively exploring life, and, most of all, living with self-compassion. They create […]

What makes it so hard to truly befriend yourself?

By Nicole Urdang | March 17, 2022
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We are born helpless and incapable of living without other people’s assistance. We depend on caretakers, usually parents, to take care of us so that we can develop into adults able to live interdependently with others. This is just a fact. And from what we know of history, it’s been true since time immemorial. As […]

What is compassionate curiosity and how can it help you?

By Nicole Urdang | January 19, 2022
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Compassionate curiosity is the magic combination of self-compassion and curiosity. What makes it magical is its ability to help you embrace internal and external challenges with an open heart and mind. Typically, when something difficult appears, whether it’s internal, like obsessive thoughts, a physical ailment, or an emotional state; or external, like a financial setback, […]

The Struggle of Perfectionism

By Nicole Urdang | March 3, 2021
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Doing things well is satisfying, but perfectionism can turn almost anything into a struggle. Every time you strive to be perfect, the best, or better than you were before, you put pressure on yourself. Not only does that pressure accrue, it robs you of joy. In addition, it’s almost impossible to be mindful and live […]