Why hold a grudge? Here are some good reasons.

By Nicole Urdang | March 11, 2019
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Why hold a grudge? Holding a grudge typically involves repeatedly reminding yourself how somebody wronged you and how they deserve your continued anger, disappointment, resentment, and retribution. It’s a unique self-inflicted pain requiring incessant internal reminders of being hurt by someone’s indifference, willful behavior, or obliviousness. Who would want to reignite the emotional distress of […]

A Song To Help You Grieve And Let Go

By Nicole Urdang | April 24, 2018
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Sometimes, we need a little help to unleash all the grief we can accrue on this earth. Here’s a YouTube video of American Tune sung by Paul Simon to help you on your way. Remember: You can’t heal what you don’t feel.

Realistic expectations after a childhood of trauma: Allowing grief and taking responsibility for what you can change

By Nicole Urdang | October 31, 2017
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When it comes to the effects of childhood trauma, I have good news and bad news. Let’s do the bad news first. The bad news is that if you were traumatized as a child because you didn’t get love, safe connection, nurturing, and attention, nothing else can ever take the place of what you didn’t […]

What Ambiguous Grief Teaches Us About The Lingering Effects Of Loss

By Nicole Urdang | July 3, 2016
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“I don’t like to use the word acceptance, but I think we can be comfortable with what we cannot solve.” Pauline Boss, Ph.D. Psychologist and family therapist Pauline Boss talks about “ambiguous loss” and the futility of thinking about closure with deep grief. There is no closure, she argues, when you can’t really put a […]

Is Your Depression Really Grief?

By Nicole Urdang | April 26, 2016
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The following is a list of symptoms associated with major depression: A persistent feeling of sadness Loss of interest Changes in appetite Decreased energy level Thoughts of suicide Anxiety Anger Apathy General discontent Guilt Hopelessness Inability to feel pleasure Mood swings Sadness Early awakening Excess sleepiness Insomnia Restless sleep Excessive hunger Fatigue Loss of appetite […]

Calming the Emotional Chaos of Grief

By Nicole Urdang | January 31, 2012
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A death, divorce, illness, sudden unemployment, or any major loss, creates chaos in your life. This emotional fracturing, as well as the practical aftershocks of dealing with estates, lawyers, housing, finances, doctors, etc., often yields intense feelings that can be overwhelming. When you think you simply can’t assimilate another thing, it’s crucial to just stop. […]