Holidays II: Embracing Reality After A Divorce or Death

By Nicole Urdang | December 16, 2012
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Nothing is wrong—whatever is happening is just “real life.” Tara Brach The holidays have an uncanny way of triggering grief. Once accessed, this deep sadness can have a boomerang effect as it sweeps up all past losses bringing them right to your emotional doorstep. Naturally, this dustpan of misery can feel as if it coats […]

Complaining: A Path To Authenticity and Less Pain

By Nicole Urdang | July 15, 2011
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“What annoyances are more painful than those of which we cannot complain?” Marquis de Custine “Things are seldom what they seem, skim milk masquerades as cream.” From H.M.S. Pinafore by Gilbert and Sullivan Have you ever noticed yourself vacillating between feeling grateful and complaining? Take heart, they don’t cancel each other out, nor do they […]

Children, Teens & Counseling: Is It A Good Idea To Send Children To Counseling?

By Nicole Urdang | December 11, 2010
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I have never been a big fan of sending little children to therapy, as I believe they value their parents’ input more than a stranger’s. Most kids are slow to trust people they don’t know, which is why I typically suggest the parents come in so I can teach them different ways of interacting with […]

Love Is Not a Faucet You Can Turn On And Off

By Nicole Urdang | August 31, 2010
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Love is not a faucet you can turn on and off at will. If you have spent years, or decades, with someone, even if that time was not always so wonderful, even if you came to disrespect or feel contempt for your partner, the simple act of sharing a life bound you on a cellular […]

Children: Collateral Damage to Adult Children Of Divorced Parents

By Nicole Urdang | December 27, 2009
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Recently, I saw Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin’s new movie, “It’s Complicated.”  Most of the time, I  was laughing uncontrollably.  I can’t even remember when I last laughed that hard. The hilarity stopped abruptly when, near the end, I saw the looks on their adult children’s faces. Each one a kaleidoscope of bewilderment, pain, and […]

Second-guessing Yourself

By Nicole Urdang | December 2, 2009
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After the dust settles, the divorce is final, the body is buried, or the child has moved far away, you may be tempted to wonder if you made a mistake. Was it wrong to divorce someone who abused you? Was it poor judgment to estrange yourself from a toxic parent or sibling? Should you have […]