Boundaries

Me or thee practice for codependents, over-givers, perfectionists, and do-gooders.

By Nicole Urdang | May 9, 2023
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  Lend yourself to others but give yourself to yourself. Michel de Montaigne   Since the title of this piece was long enough already, I resisted adding how helpful this tactic is for people with TMS (tension myositis syndrome), neuroplastic pain, or mind-body issues. The Me or Thee practice is, as the Chinese might say: […]

Feeling resentful? Perhaps, you’re compromising too much.

By Nicole Urdang | January 24, 2022
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In a yoga-inspired course on the chakras, teacher Davidji said of the fourth, or throat, chakra: “Throughout the day when you find yourself making compromises out of fear, out of playing small, out of not believing in yourself, remind yourself that the vibration ‘hum’ is the vibration of permission. Whether you say it silently or […]

The Struggle of Perfectionism

By Nicole Urdang | March 3, 2021
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Doing things well is satisfying, but perfectionism can turn almost anything into a struggle. Every time you strive to be perfect, the best, or better than you were before, you put pressure on yourself. Not only does that pressure accrue, it robs you of joy. In addition, it’s almost impossible to be mindful and live […]

Three tips for handling people who put you on the defensive

By Nicole Urdang | November 29, 2017
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Yesterday, I had an experience I’ve had many times in the course of my career. Someone said, “I wish you could be with me in situations when I don’t know what to say, get completely flustered, and end up down the rabbit hole of a conversation that is either difficult, contentious, or unproductive.” Spurred on […]

Dare to disappoint everyone including yourself

By Nicole Urdang | March 14, 2016
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Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor. Anne Lamott Ring the bells that still can ring Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything, That’s how the light gets in. Leonard Cohen (Inspired by Emerson’s quote: There is a crack in everything God has made.) The full title for this article is “Dare […]